Today I wanted to share something I wrote two years ago.
I’ve lately been feeling that too many people know details about my life. Of they think they know. And I don’t like that. I don’t like to have people I don’t know and don’t want them to know that many details about my life. My mom has told me that they look up to me for everything I have achieved this year and that’s great but instead of looking at me they should make those changes for themselves. And I did not ask for any of this, this was an accident and I have learned to cope with this but I don’t want people looking at me so much because it’s too much pressure and I don’t want to let them down. I feel like they’ll be disappointed if I fail or if I do anything wrong. I don’t need that much pressure right now. I’m working really hard, not for them, but to but my life back together. My family and friends have really help me and I want them to know about my achievements but that’s it.
Back then I still couldn’t cope that well with people knowing about this whole change my life took, because I still couldn’t cope with it. I was still trying to figure everything out, and I still didn’t understand it. Those are some reasons I didn’t publish any of this before. I wanted to, but I still couldn’t deal with people reading about my life. But if I wrote all of this in the first place, it was for people to read it. I studied writing, for people to read what I write. I cannot give up now because I’ve been dreaming about this for so long. I was dreaming about this but I was still terrified. If I didn’t get over my fear, I would never be a writer.
But that is right; I was working really hard, and I still am; not for anyone else, but for me. I needed to get my life in order before I even tried to share this with anybody and tried to help anybody.