I didn’t show it in my post on Facebook, but I was terrified.

I had been waiting for this for months and it meant that I could go home soon.  Also, I wouldn’t need a helmet or have two holes in my head. However, just the thought of a surgery was scary, another surgery in my head was (sorry for this, and I didn’t) crap my pants scary.

I remember leaving my aunt’s house, to go to Syracuse and have the surgery.  As we were packing the day before, my youngest cousin came into my room and asked me if I was leaving.  When I answered yes I saw tears in his eyes.  Why? I don’t want you to leave, he said as he cried.  I hugged him and said, I know but I have to.  Then I explained that I needed surgery to get my head back to normal.  He asked if we were going home after I said yes.

It’s been three years and I haven’t forgotten that moment because it meant so much to me that he said that.  It’s moments like that, unplanned, sincere and heartfelt moments that remind you that you are not alone.

Being calm while I hugged my cousin, being calm and strong enough not no burst into tears with him helped me see that I could go through with this.  I could be brave enough to go into surgery and to trust those great doctors.

Now I see that I was braver than I ever thought I could be.

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