After all our hard work this past four months, moving day is just days away. After months of preparing you’d think I’d have everything packed and ready to go, instead of waiting to the last minute to finish and running out of boxes and tape.

I knew when we were moving, I was just more fixated on fixing the apartment than getting ready to move my stuff there. I guess it makes sense that I finally felt the stress of of moving yesterday, four days before moving day, while I was waiting in the doctors office and took it all out on the receptionist. I guess I just had to snap sometime and I took it out on people who had nothing to do with it, but I was angry.

I was angry because I had been sitting there, waiting for the dermatologist to see me for over an hour. When I asked them if they would call me soon they told me it would be about 40 minutes. That’s when I lost it, I walked out of the office, tried to cool down but I was so angry it just made me want to cry. I couldn’t just start crying in the hallway in front of strangers so I rushed to the bathroom, where I was able to take a deep breath, calm down and then go back to the waiting room.

Later, when I told my family and now that I think of it, that’s normal waiting time at a doctors office, but at the moment it felt like too much. It was time I could have spent doing a million other things, like packing. I have been to enough doctors to know how long the wait is, I have waited a lot longer, but I just wasn’t having it yesterday. My grandpa was waiting for me and I felt to bad for making him wait and just the thought of waiting there instead of packing or fixing my new apartment, was driving me crazy.

As I sat there, after I came back from the bathroom, I thought about those moments years ago, before I had been prescribed Zoloft, when my moods went haywire just like that. One second I was just waiting and the next I was just fighting or crying about something like having to wait. I don’t remember having a moment like that for a very long time and I don’t know what caused it. Maybe the wait, maybe boredom, maybe stress or maybe it just wasn’t my day, but up until now I had been able to control myself.

I don’t know what it was, but it scared me because I’m not one of those people who argues and fights everywhere, I’m one of the nice ones. Maybe it was the stress of moving, since I really wasn’t able to do a lot in the apartment yesterday and we’re pretty rushed or maybe it just wasn’t my day, but I hope those moods don’t start to become more common, or if it’s just what happens when I’m alone and I don’t have someone to calm me down. I don’t go to many places alone, going to the dermatologist alone was a thing a wanted to try just to see how it went.

Now I know I need to work on that.


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