First of all, the storm never came.
Second, today I read a very interesting article written by another brain injury survivor. In the article she talks about how she was caught off guard when a friend told her to “Quit using your brain injury as an excuse”. Her friend told her this after she asked her to repeat something.
I get what she’s talking about because I also have to ask people to repeat stuff they just said. I have been made fun of for always asking que? (what?). The people who have made fun of me for that are not being mean, it’s just a joke, so I don’t take it personally because these are people who have been with me through the whole process. But it is difficult to deal with people who have not been there, who don’t know or understand what’s happening.
It takes more time to process things, especially if it’s too much information or if it’s too much information too fast, and sometimes the brain just needs a break or it just can’t process too much too fast. I miss a lot of stuff in conversations, but I don’t do it on purpose. I sometimes notice I just stopped listening, it’s not because I want to be rude or I’m not interested, my brain just needed a break and it just happens automatically . I try to pay attention, but sometimes I can’t pay attention anymore, I have to take a break and this even happens when I’m watching tv or a movie. It’s not that I’m not having fun or I’m not interested, I just can’t.
So I totally understand her and it’s good to know it’s not just me, apart from the TBI and epilepsy, there’s nothing wrong with my head.
I have come a long way in these last four years, and I can focus sometimes. I was able to pay attention in class on Tuesday, but there are other times when I just can’t. It’s not an excuse, it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s the new me that I’m dealing with. The old me could pay attention and listen, but the old me didn’t need Ritalin, the new me does. It helps but it can’t fix my damaged brain.
I have to do as much as I can to fix it, I think I’m on the right path but it may never be the same. I will take a long time.